


No Wishful Thinking

by BlueFishyLove



Series: MX Bingo ('18 - '19) [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Death, Gen, Other, Square - Ghosts, heavy theme, hyunwoo briefly mentioned, kinda vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 23:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17497628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFishyLove/pseuds/BlueFishyLove
Summary: It took Hoseok fifteen years to understand his brother. Changkyun never minded though.





	No Wishful Thinking

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily influneced by the movie Mama(2013)  
> Square - Ghosts

It’s only natural he tells himself. Fearing her like he does. She has only shown them love, so to speak but Hoseok is older than Changkyun when they get lost in the woods, he remembers their parents and what it feels like to have an actual bed to sleep in.   
  
Changkyun doesn’t anymore and that scares him. If he stays its for him. Not that there is a quick way out of this fantasy they are living in. Not that he can safely return to whatever previous life he had.   
  
He remembers how she slaughtered their parents the day they got lost in the woods, when they had come searching for them. Changkyun probably doesn’t. Either out of some trauma, disclosing the memory from him or because of the young age he was at when it happened.   
  
Hoseok is actually glad he doesn’t.   
  
The sight of his parents, torn to pieces, like wild animals had a go at them. She did an excellent job on not leaving any traces behind. Whatever she didn’t consume, he is sure the wild life did.   
  
Hoseok has been old enough to remember what his previous life was like but he hasn’t been successful on holding on to the language. Not all of it at least. 

 

There is this one word they both remember but only Hoseok is reluctant to speak to her.   
  
Mama.   
  
Changkyun whispers it almost like a litany whenever he wants to be held and cared for, unsuspecting that she isn’t what he really wants.   
  
Hoseok is scared of her. It’s only natural he tells himself but she has shown only love to them.   
  
He wishes he was braver, like little Changkyun. At this age of ten and the kid is not even slightly scared of her. Hoseok is  thirteen and secretly he wishes he shouldn’t be the protective one. 

 

Hoseok needs to be taken care of, not the other way around but he is the older.   
  
They are walking with the deers again. She’s hovering over them observing them. Changkyun, on all fours, is growling by his side.   
  
He has considered it before, ending it all, finding the easy way out. He knows of things that hold him back, that scare him, he is not like Changkyun, he can’t worship and depend on her.   
  
It’s dark, night sky, no stars.   
  
He’s a coward for thinking like that, he knows but Changkyun don’t seem to mind.   
  
Just for once he wants to be selfish and leave behind everything he knows. The life he remembers, the life he knows, the life that he will never have. No wishful thinking.   
  
They walk near the highway, he can hear the cars passing by. He only needs a moment of brave stupidity, only a minute closer to freedom.   
  
Mama won’t let him so easily he knows but he has to try.   
  
Changkyun won’t mind, he won’t even understand. He hasn’t talked to him or seemed to care for his existence in the past five years anyway. Changkyun won’t mind.   
  
He is not sure if he repeats it to assure or believe himself.   
  
She is looking at him, staring him down as they near the highway. The passage to the other side. They always walk over it as she observes the road. If traffic arises she just creates an illusion, till they pass.   
  
More souls have been lost around the woods because of her, than anything else. Most accidents.   
  
Her fault.  
  
“Mama” Changkyun whispers in a way perplexed, he raises his arms, he wants to be held as they walk across the street.   
  
She doesn’t refuse him. Changkyun is her baby after all. Her favorite one.   
  
There is a car, he can hear it, he can see it; running towards their passing point in a maddening speed. She’s too preoccupied with Changkyun.   
  
He walks with the deer.   
  
He stops in the middle of the road and turns to look at the car; like a deer caught of by the headlights. Only that he knows it is coming and his heart doesn’t beat faster because of the adrenaline.   
  
Only that he knows, if it works, he will be free.   
  
She is screaming, he dares to turn and look at her, afraid she will ruin everything but Changkyun seems to stop her.   
  
“Mama” the ten year old calls her and hugs her tight enough, not letting her venture towards Hoseok, unless she want’s to jeopardize Changkyun’s safety as well.   
  
Hoseok smiles at the younger as the car runs him over.   
  
Changkyun won’t mind he tells himself one last time but he does understand.   
  
Better than Hoseok ever thought, he could.   
  
  
  
  
Changkyun smiles at his older brother, immortally stuck in the pass of deer in the highway.   
  
They meet every two days in the evening, when Changkyun and She pass by.   
  
Hoseok is not sure he was the one that ever understood. Maybe the other was never from their world to begin with.   
  
Sometimes She tries to help Hoseok pass the way still but he can’t leave his spot. He’s there to protect passerby’s by Her.   
  
She doesn’t understand him and neither does he.   
  
She is wondering, he is stable and between them Changkyun is growing.   
  
  
  
  
Changkyun is fifteen when a car almost crashes into a boy but stops just in time. In an impulse he has turned back, to check on his brother -he knows he can’t be hurt anymore and still-, there is a man there instead, staring at him.   
  
They both know he wasn’t the boy who almost got crashed.   
  
Changkyun realizes he must look weird, they are of the same kind and yet, he walks on all fours.   
  
“Hey, are you okay?” the driver asks him, gets a bottle from his car and offers it to him “Do you want some water? Where did you come from? It’s quite late, you shouldn’t be alone in the forest at this time” there is actual concern and Changkyun briefly remembers this emotion, from Hoseok.   
  
“I’m Hyunwoo, what’s your name?” the driver smiles at the boy, trying to get closer to him, even though Changkyun draws back, towards the forest.   
  
“Mama” he whispers and Hyunwoo is shred to pieces, like his parents where before the man back when he was five.   
  
Changkyun understands.   
  
The curling screams reminder of what it is. He hopes the driver won’t be stuck like his brother and his mother, in an endless loop of emotions too.  
  
He is relieved when he isn’t.   
  
  
Changkyun’s twenty when he is ready.  
  
It’s bright, a sunrise, full with reds and oranges. Soft hues of pink. No clouds present.   
  
He holds Her hand from one side and Hoseok’s from the other and they walk towards a cliff.  
  
Hoseok doesn’t understand but She does.   
  
Changkyun hugs his brother one last time and he wishes he is freed from his immortal loop once Changkyun is gone.   
  
She walks over the cliff first and Changkyun follows. He doesn’t fall, as she embrace him, her dress becoming moths and butterflies and engulfs Changkyun whole.   
  
And like that, they are gone.   
  
Hoseok now understands.   
  
The life he remembered, the life he knew, the life that he never had. No wishful thinking.   
  
And now, Hoseok, is stuck.  
  
  
  
A ghost is an emotion bend out of shape, contempt to repeat itself, time and time again. 


End file.
